For him

Why? 

A question we get asked often and even had to explain to the judge at court. 

Why? 

Why would we do this? 

......For him..... That is why

 

The answer , is this little spirit ....

 And the miracle of his life joining ours 

It's for him

So, why would his mother give him up?

Why would she leave him at the hospital and walk away?

Until today, I had a completely different answer to that question 

But Today I learned 

That she too did it all for him 

We had a very emotional , spiritual experience today meeting Noah's birth mom . We fumbled our way through the language barriers and expressed our feelings with simple words and emotions and felt it a huge blessing to not need a translator as so much of the emotion could have been lost through translation . We connected with this mother in a very sacred way. 

(We were even able to take some beautiful pictures together with her but we decided we don't want to post her identity here until after everything is final with the adoption in a few weeks ) 

Words can not do it justice but I will give it my best shot....

A few days before we came the birth mother had contacted the social worker hoping that someone had asked about him. When she found out that indeed we were coming she cried and expressed that she was grateful and wanted to meet us, but didn't want to meet at the orphanage or see Noah because it would be too hard . So we planned to meet her at a cafe today , and then last night we were told that she had changed her mind and wanted to meet us at the orphanage and that she would come on her own and find us there sometime during our visit . We were told she could speak some English so we should be ok to communicate to her without a translator. 

We arrived at the orphanage and waited in the visiting room for Noah to be brought down to us . Meanwhile getting very nervous and praying that if she indeed came it would be a good experience for all of us involved and that she would feel peace and know that we were going to take good care of her son. 

Noah was brought in and about 30 min later as I was standing rocking him in the middle of the room, a beautiful lady walked in and when I asked her if she was looking for Noah she said yes and started to cry......and so did I .

She came in and we sat together talking and crying over this little boy for an hour and a half . 

One of the hardest things I have ever had to watch or listen to was the words this mother shared of her heartache in leaving her son. But it was also one of the most sacred spiritual experiences we have ever had . 

My thoughts and emotions are all over the place trying to do this experience justice in some small way so bear with the random thoughts sharing the details of this special meeting today. 

This mother was excited to have a second child and was ready to love him and welcome him to her family , and when that time came and she had delivered her child and was ready to be shown her child instead she was told by the doctor that her "child was not ok, that he was not good, that he was not like other children "....and she was not shown her child. 

Her family felt the same way and her husband told her she must walk away from this boy , that she must leave him.

She told us about how she saw a person with Down syndrome here in her country one time and people were laughing at him and mocking him and she said she couldn't allow that for her son. She said she loves her country but they do not understand that these people (Down syndrome ) are good , that they are not bad. 

She said her son deserved better and that "she had to make this decision for his sake, not for hers.,...no matter how hard it was for her , she knew she had to do it for him" 

For the last 10 months this mother has been in constant turmoil over what will become of her son. She told us not a day has gone by she hasn't worried and felt the weight of her guilt for leaving him alone. 

This mother gave birth to a son and never even got to see him or hold him at birth 

She later saw him one time at the orphanage when he was a few months old , but only briefly and she had never held him , 

Until today ...

when we offered for her to hold him she was so grateful and she just cried and kept stroking his hair and kept telling him she was so sorry for leaving him alone. We all cried as we watched him peacefully sleeping and she said "he has been here for 10 months all alone with no parents ...." "I left him alone..."

She kept asking us if we thought he would forgive her for giving him up. 

She kept telling us that she prayed faithfully to God to find a family for Noah and there has not been a day that has gone by that she hasn't been carrying this weight on her shoulders wondering if he would ever find a family . She said she has prayed every day for 10 months for us to come..... He was born 10 months ago today. Today on the 10 month anniversary of his birth she held him and finally felt some peace. 

She kept smiling through her tears and saying she just "couldn't believe that God really did this for her, that God really answered her prayers ... 

and Noah's prayers . " 

She would say it over and over and smile and say "it's like a fairytale". .... 

"Noah is getting his fairytale"

We told her we believe in God too and we know that it was God that brought us here to this boy and that we knew God loved her, and He loved this boy very much . 

She told us her "heart was not sick anymore " and she was so happy with our family and what we could offer him, and that she was going to pray for us and our son, that we "would all be happy and safe and feel peace."  We assured her we prayed those things for her too. 

We told her the new name we have chosen for him means exactly that ....peace . 

She kept saying "you are his parents now " and "I'm so thankful that God listened to my prayers and found him a mom and a dad, and a family" "I'm so happy you came for him"

We told her we already love this boy so much and we will take very good care of him . 

She told us how heart breaking this was for her and how alone she was when she left him because her family wouldn't allow him in their family . But she has another son and couldn't take him from his family so she was so torn. She was told that doctors will not even see him with such a condition in her country and that there is no hope for life here for him. She even gasped in astonishment when Noah woke up in her arms and started doing "things that normal babies do", because she didn't think he could do those things. 

She was in awe that he acted like a baby and that he was looking at us and even smiled at us. The culture here really does believe he would not be able to do anything but lie there

We explained that where we live he will get to go to school , and she couldn't believe that, she couldn't believe that he could do that.

She told us that we were so much more then she had imagined and that she was so happy and so thankful that we came for him. 

She said over and over ...

"You are very good. Thank you ! Thank you!"

We showed her pictures of our family and of Noah's room back home and she gasped and couldn't believe he would get that room and that it was "very very good. " She explained that her entire family lives in a one bedroom apartment so she is so grateful for the kind of life we can give him. 

Kris assured her that we could provide for him and would take very good care of him . And that we have amazing friends and family and doctors and communities that will help him grow up. We assured her he is already loved my many!

We let her keep our photo album of our family and told her we would be happy to send her pictures of him as he grows up and she couldn't believe it, she was so grateful. 

Kris said to me afterwards "I just can't get over that this was the first time in 10 months that she held her child. I'm not even a mom that carried a baby for 9 months and then gave birth, but as a parent , I just can't imagine what giving up a child and then walking away not knowing what would happen to them ..,,,what going through those 10 months must have been like? I think the windows of heaven were opened just a little today as we saw a glimpse of how much love our Heavenly Father has for each of his children here on earth and how mindful he is to connect the prayer of a mother on one side of the earth to a willing mother on the other side."

Today was a day we will never forget .

This meeting was a blessing we were not anticipating, but are so thankful we could receive . 

We know our Heavenly Father has been guiding this course all along .

Noah was born just weeks after we were denied another little boy and even after that door closed the whisperings on my heart that something or someone was still supposed to be part of our family wouldn't go away.

Today we witnessed full circle what those whisperings were all about ...

They were undeniably for him 

For one mothers prayer to be answered by another .... only God can orchestrate such miracles as this

"A child born to another woman calls me mommy. The magnitude of that tragedy and the depth of that privilege are not lost on me. "

–Jody Landers-