Tuesday, February 2, 2016

He will grant sufficient strength when you take a leap of faith

Last spring while we were discussing the idea of adoption again, and specifically the other little boy, baby "B", at that time, I listened to this talk from Elder Larry Gibson about fatherhood. He talked about how we should develop a clear vision of our eternal destiny, particularly the one that Heavenly Father wants us to achieve—and we should Let our eternal destiny drive all of our decisions. Regardless of how difficult those decisions may be, Father will sustain us."
Elder Gibson then shared a story that really spoke to my heart. 
He and his sons had been on a strenuous difficult hike spanning 50 miles in one day, and when they came home exhausted the son said to the dad, "Dad, that was the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life and I will never, ever do it again......he paused and then said ....unless my son wants me to"
Adopting Mia was one of the most difficult things we ever did, also one of the most rewarding by far, but difficult non the less. And when I heard these words, that day last spring,  "unless my son wants me to" I sat at my computer and sobbed, like ugly cry sobbing!  I immediately felt like we had a son that needed us to do this again, regardless of how hard it was. At that time, I of course thought Baby "B" was that son , but now I realize he was an important part of another little boy's story, and this other little boy, 
is part of our eternal destiny. 
Today I had what you might call an adoption meltdown, where I cried and doubted and wondered how this was all really going to logistically work out? How were we really going to manage the travel and everything else needed to get this little boy home. This morning we learned that there is a good chance that the time frame we were anticipating for time in his country will be longer then we thought , could potentially be double what we were anticipating, meaning we will either have to leave our children home here much longer, or split up, or make 2-3 trips back and forth, or some combination of all of these scenarios. We are still waiting for our US immigration approval so we still don't know a specific timeframe to even try and plan on. My hope would be that the US approval comes within a week and we can somehow travel in March, (both so I can hold my boy asap and so i could be back with him in my arms for my baby brothers wedding at the end of April) but sadly it may not happen that way, we just don't know at this point. But when we do travel it seems there is a good chance it is going to be a longer process then we had hoped. So naturally I have been upset about it today, feeling like it just seems so far away, and could be even further then I was hoping, and the reality of being torn between my family here and my boy over there, trying to figure out how to come up with more funds if we have to travel back and forth more, realizing that Kris and I will most likely have to split up some of the time, has all put a toll on my emotions today, and as I became overwhelmed playing out all the possible scenarios, I texted Kris and said "how are we going to make this work?" and his response was this "I know you want us to be able to be there together and for the timing to all work out, and if there is a way for that to happen that would be great but we also have to remember the this whole thing has only come together because of the hand of the Lord and it will continue that way. If that means we can spend more time there then that is how it is going to happen, if that means that I have to make multiple trips then so be it. At the end of the day the important thing is that we get him here, the logistics behind how that happens will work themselves out in the end."
The stress and anxiety I had been feeling all day was immediately replaced with peace, 
there is no other explanation for our course being changed to find this little boy at this time, other then the Lord guiding it. 
 I cried as I felt a little of my Heavenly Father wrapping his arms around me saying "this is hard, but your son needs you to do this", 
and then the image of these deep, dark eyes on this heavenly little boy came flooding to my mind .....
"He will grant sufficient strength when you take a leap of faith" 

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