Tuesday, January 5, 2016

Is this real?

Sometimes in this process you start to think, is this real? Is there really going to be a child at the end of all this?Are we making the right decision by doing this? Does he really exist outside of this one picture that I stare at over and over?

You want to just blink and have him in your arms but so much of the process takes time that is out of your control , So in an attempt to feel closer to him somehow, to feel like he is real, and to try and do something while you wait , you start making preparations for him here.

You begin thinking of ideas for rearranging the house by making preparations to clear out the office that will be his room,

You start buying an outfit or two (we have zero boy clothes in this house ha ha) while trying to guess how big he might be and what season you will actually get him in. Just knowing that this outfit will be his very own makes you cry because you know that he currently has nothing to call his own. The clothes he currently wears are not his own, but shared among many others 

You start thinking about what baby items, bottles and toys you need to prepare to take when you travel,

You talk about what you might name him,

And then you buy him his first baby blanket 
and you hold it to fulfill your need to hold 

All the while, continuing the piles of paperwork while waiting on government documents and getting more and more anxious.

And then, you receive tender mercies that whisper,YES this is real and YES you are on the exact path you are supposed to be on right now, so just keep pressing forward . 

Like I have said before, around every corner of doubt and worry comes claiety and peace. It may come through another random donation , or a sweet message of encouragement from a friend or even stranger who has become invested in this path, It quite often comes through a song that makes you burst into tears and each experience overwhelms you with the feeling "YES, this is real and YES you are right where you are supposed to be"

This voice spoke loudly the last week as we were blessed to receive a tiny bit of info on baby brother. I thought I was going to jump through the roof ! It was not much but when you know absolutely nothing, it feels huge and it definitely makes him feel real to know that someone you are in contact with has actually seen him!

(Unfortunately We are not allowed to share the info publicly until a later time though)

And then if that wasn't enough, you are miraculously blessed with two newborn pictures of him, given through means and threads that only God could orchestrate. (We can't share those publicly either so I will share the rest of that cool story later )

He is real, and he is waiting,

and each paper we complete is bigger then a document, its one step closer to his life beginning FOR REAL!

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