Imagine....

Imagine you have just had a new baby.

But before the doctor will let you hold your baby you have to go through hours of training,

You have to spend months running all over town gathering paperwork and making sure you have all the correct documentation,

You have to somehow come up with a huge sum of money

And each day that you are doing these things you are not even allowed to know information about your baby

You are not allowed to know if your baby is sick, or if he is sad or happy,

or what milestones you are missing as you try to get through this process.

Each day that passes your baby grows up a little more without you.

You are not told how much they weigh or what they like or don't like,

You are given one single picture and that is it....

You stare at this one picture studying its every part, trying to envision what your child might be like and praying they are safe and that they can hold on until you get to them.

 With each of my pregnancies I felt an instant connection to the unborn child, which only grows more and more throughout the 9 months of pregnancy, but that connection is not complete until I am holding that new baby in my arms.

 With this journey we are starting I am feeling very similar...

No I did not carry this child and I do not have that aspect of the motherly connection with him that you have with pregnancy, but now that I know that I am supposed to be his mother the feelings start getting very real just the same.

 Suddenly this picture of a baby boy laying all alone in an orphanage on the other side of the world, is not just any boy,

he is my boy

 and each day that passes is another day that he doesn't know that he has a mother, a father, sisters, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and friends all waiting to love him.

Each day that passes is another day that I have to wonder and worry about how he is doing, and if he is safe?

I pray each day that his little heart will not be lonely and that he will feel the love that is coming for him.

As I have been diving in to this paperwork last week I have been so emotional about it, knowing that these papers are more then just papers, they are the ticket to getting to hold my baby, each one that is completed is a tiny step closer to making that a reality.
Each dollar that is donated becomes sacred and is much more then just money, it becomes another step closer to giving my baby a life.

We are so blessed with love and support all around us as we embark on this road and our friends are feeling the urgency to help us, without even having to ask, there are many stepping forward to try and help.

Please take a minute to Watch and share this video that one of our friends made hoping to help share our story and bring baby brother home as soon as possible.

Faith can reach beyond our ability to reason

I never thought I would be writing a post like this again, or starting another adoption blog, but here we are.

This is "Noah" , a beautiful baby boy abandoned at birth because he has down syndrome. He is currently laying in a crib all alone in an orphanage in eastern europe and our path is being led to bring him home.

Last spring I started having some huge feelings pulling me towards adoption again. I thought it was insane and even just months before had been commenting that although I know first hand how important adoption is, and although my heart still breaks for all the waiting children who I left behind, I myself would never want to do it again. I just wanted others to do it so that all these children could find families. But I had already done it and couldn't do it again.

But the Lord is once again weaving a different path then I had planned.

It started last spring, with a picture of a little boy,  "Baby B", followed by lots of spiritual moments and experiences that not so suddlely told me the Lord was leading me down the adoption path again. So we committed to "Baby B" last spring thinking he was what the Lord was asking me to do, and for a month or two waited to hear if we would be matched with him. Sadly we learned that the agency who held his file would deny us the right to adopt him solely due to our religious beliefs. We were heartbroken and devastated. But assumed it must not have been our path and maybe adoption wasnt really in the cards for us.

As time went on, as hard as I tried, I still couldn't shake the feeling that adoption was still in the picture so I proceeded to casually look at other children, just in case, often sending their pictures to Kris and wondering if one of them would be the answer. The summer went on and none of them seemed to be "the one" and I was really questioning why I would have had so many distinct feelings, and direct promptings about adoption if I wasn't supposed to do it. And I really started praying that it would all go away. That all these thoughts and feelings towards adoption would just stop.
I remember one of my moments of prayer was driving in my car pleading with the Lord for clarification on this matter. If i was not supposed to adopt then please let these feelings go away so I can move forward with something else, and I remember as I was praying these words "Heavenly Father if I am supposed to adopt again, then please lead me to that child" I was soon in a puddle of  tears flowing so hard as I said those words that I could hardly see the road, and with the tears came a wave of peace. And I thought to myself, I think this is my path right now, but it just hasnt led to my child yet.

Time went on and nothing came. But in the fore front of my mind and thoughts was this idea that something more was to come of this road from Baby B.

At the time when we lost the opportunity to adopt Baby B, a friend said to me "you never know, maybe the little one who is meant for you isn't even born yet". I laughed it off and went on my way.

At the end of September it was brought to my attention that a little baby girl had her family fall through and needed another one so I approached Kris with her and we prayed and attended the temple but both felt she was not ours. And regrettably I told the facilitator no to her. Still wondering why I was even still open to this adoption idea at all? And I started praying even harder that this would all go away. I mean lets be honest, it would have been much easier if it would have just stopped.

Then a week or so later I scrolled through the newly listed children on Reeces Rainbow, and as this little face of Noah came up, it took my breathe away and the first thing I thought was "wow he looks like he could be one of my children, he even looks like Kyra's baby pictures!" I felt a wave of peace and calming at that moment. I leaned over to show Kris his picture and he smiled and laughed.

In early October, things changed from the general idea of adoption, to being about a boy, this boy.
Well from that moment to this, little Noahs face has not left my mind. Every time I see this picture of him I feel peace. Just as with Mia's first picture, his eyes are calling me. His big dark eyes look lost and seem to be looking right into my heart at times. He has consumed my every thought and after much prayer, fasting, pondering, countless sleepless nights, and many trips to the temple, we have decided we cant turn away from these feelings and we are taking the leap of faith that we need to go bring him home.

 It may not be the easy road that we would hope for or choose on our own, but it is right nonetheless.
I don't recall a time in my life where I have felt so weighed down by a decision, for so long, or felt so much turmoil and anxiety over how to make a decision then I have felt the last 9 months since the adoption path was at my door again.

And now that we have committed to Noah, I can say how wonderful it feels to have that weight lifted and to feel that you have made the right choice. I have never felt so much peace, for the first time in 9 months, I finally feel at peace.

This time around this leap of faith may be bigger than before, I mean its adding a 7th child, (AGHHHH) its adding a 3rd child with down syndrome and of course its scary, but its still right.

I am sure people will think we are crazy, and maybe we are, but sometimes crazy is still the right thing to do.

 "Our faith can reach beyond our ability to reason, and quiet assurances come as His will becomes ours" .

We know the Lord moved mountains for a lost little girl before, and we are following Him in faith that He will do it again. This time for a lost little boy.

We are not doing this because we "need to fill our boy quota" .
We are doing this because its the right thing to do.

A little boy who was not born when we started down this path last spring and applied to adopt "Baby B", but instead was born the very month that we were denied "Baby B". That very month little Noah was born and I do not think that thread is merely a coincidence in this tapestry.

As with Mia, we don't know much about him, only that he is about 6 months old and has down syndrome. And sleeps in one of the beds lined up against the wall in the picture behind him, all alone.

We don't know what the future holds, but we do know that the Lord is asking us to act in faith, and above all we know that this little boy needs us,

 


and we may not realize now,
just how very much we need him.